What do you get if you cross a hedgehog with a giraffe?
A long-necked toothbrush.
What do you get if you cross William the Conqueror with a power station?
An electricity bill.
What’s the difference between a train and a tree?
One leaves its shed and the other sheds its leaves.
What’s the difference between the death of a barber and the death of a sculptor?
One curls up and dies and the other makes faces and busts.
What’s the difference between an elephant and spaghetti?
An elephant doesn’t slip off the end of your fork.
What’s the difference between a crazy rabbit and a counterfeit coin?
One’s a mad bunny, the other is bad money.
What’s the difference between a camera and a sock?
A camera takes photos and a sock takes five toes.
What’s the difference between weather and climate?
You can’t weather a tree, but you can climate.
What’s the difference between a hill and a pill?
One is hard to get up, the other is hard to get down.
What’s the difference between a boxer and a man with a cold?
One knows his blows, and the other blows his nose.
What’s the difference between a bus driver and a cold?
One knows the stops, the other stops the nose.
What’s the difference between a horse and the weather?
One is reined up and the other rains down.
What’s the difference between Prince Charles and a tennis ball?
One is heir to the throne, the other is thrown in the air.
What’s the difference between an ornithologist and a stutterer?
One’s a bird watcher, the other’s a word botcher.
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
What’s the difference between a schoolteacher and a railroad conductor?
One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
What’s the difference between a schoolteacher and a train?
One says, “Spit your gum out,” the other goes “Chew, chew, chew.”
What’s the difference between a person asleep and a person awake?
With some people it’s hard to tell the difference.
What’s the difference between a jeweller and a jailer?
A jeweller sells watches, and a jailer watches cells.
What’s the difference between an injured lion and a wet day?
One roars with pain and the other pours with rain.
What’s the difference between a frog and a cat?
A frog croaks all the time, a cat only croaks nine times.
What’s the difference between an elephant and a bad student?
One rarely bites, the other barely writes.
What’s the difference between a concert organizer and a crooked accountant?
One books the fiddles, the other fiddles the books.
What’s the difference between a knight and Santa’s reindeer?
One slays the dragon, the other is draggin’ the sleigh.
What’s the difference between a thief and a church bell?
One steals from the people, the other peals from a steeple.
What’s the difference between a greyhound at the start of a race and Mike Tyson’s attack on Evander Holyfield?
One’s champing at the bit, the other’s biting at the champ.
What’s the difference between a dog and a flea?
A dog can have fleas but a flea can’t have dogs.
What’s the difference between Santa Claus and a dog?
Santa Claus wears a whole suit, a dog just pants.
What’s the difference between a lousy golfer and a lousy skydiver?
The lousy golfer goes splash then damn; the lousy skydiver goes damn then splash.
What’s the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe?
One was Maid of Orleans, the other is made of wood.
What’s the difference between a soldier and a fireman?
You can’t dip a fireman into your boiled egg.
What’s the difference between a market gardener and a snooker player?
One minds his peas, the other minds his cues.
What’s the difference between a fitness instructor and a dentist?
A dentist lets you sit down while he’s hurting you.
What’s the difference between a horse and a pencil?
You can lead a horse to water but a pencil must be lead.
What’s the difference between a moose and an ant?
A moose has antlers but an ant doesn’t have mooselers.
What’s the difference between a tickle and a wise guy?
One is fun, the other thinks he’s fun.
What’s the difference between one yard and two yards?
A fence.
What’s the difference between a guy falling from the first floor and one falling from the seventeenth floor?
The guy falling from the first floor goes, “Splat, Aaaaaaaargh” and the one falling from the seventeenth floor goes, “Aaaaaaargh, splat”.
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef.
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