What do you get if you cross a tourist with an elephant?
Something that carries its own trunk.
What do you get if you cross a pig with Count Dracula?
A hampire.
What do you get if you cross a dog with a traffic warden?
A barking ticket.
What do you get if you cross a hen with some gunpowder?
An eggsplosion.
What do you get if you cross Count Dracula with Sir Lancelot?
A bite in shining armour.
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a pig?
A bird that hogs the conversation.
What do you get if you cross a thief with an orchestra?
Robbery with violins.
What do you get if you cross a Labrador with a tortoise?
A pet that goes to the shop and comes home with last week’s newspaper.
What do you get if you cross a flea with a rabbit?
Bugs Bunny.
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I’m not going to smell it.
What do you get if you cross poison ivy with four-leaf clover?
A rash of good luck.
What do you get if you cross a telephone with an iron?
A smooth operator.
What do you get if you cross an artist with a police officer?
A brush with the law.
What do you get if you cross an Austrian composer with a man who wears a turban?
Haydn Sikh.
What do you get if you cross a worm with an elephant?
Great big holes all over your garden.
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a fish?
Swimming trunks.
What do you get if you cross a box of matches and a giant?
The big match.
What do you get if you cross a road with a safari park?
Double yellow lions.
What do you get if you cross an overweight golfer and a pair of very tight trousers?
A hole in one.
What do you get if you cross a plumber with a field of cow pats?
The poohed piper.
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a bottle of whiskey?
A creature that’s trunk and disorderly.
What do you get if you cross a flock of sheep and a radiator?
Central bleating.
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a pair of tennis rackets?
Ping pong.
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A submarine with a built-in-snorkel.
What do you get if you cross a pudding and a cow pat?
A smelly jelly.
What do you get if you cross a pig and a box of itching powder?
Pork scratching.
What do you get if you cross a bear with a freezer?
A teddy brrrrr.
What do you get if you cross a computer with a vampire?
Something new fangled.
What do you get if you cross a dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
What do you get if you cross a cow with a octopus?
Something that can milk itself.
What do you get if you cross a pair of dogs with a hairdresser?
A shampoodle and setter.
What do you get if you cross a shoulder bag with a mallard?
A ducksack.
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a dog?
Tyrannosaurus Rex.
What do you get if you cross a football team with a bunch of crazy jokers?
Madjester United.
What do you get if you cross a large computer and a beefburger?
A big mac.
What do you get if you cross an overheating large computer with a beefburger?
What do you get if you cross a mouse and a bottle of olive oil?
A squeak that oils itself.
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie?
Puff pastry.
What do you get if you cross a detective with a cat?
A peeping tom.
What do you get if you cross a television programme and a group of sheep?
A flockumentary.
What do you get if you cross a pig and a part in a film?
A ham roll.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
What do you get if you cross a wireless with a hairdresser?
Radio waves.
What do you get if you cross a hairdresser and a bucket of cement?
Permanent waves.
What do you get if you cross a toadstool and a full suitcase?
Not mushroom for your holiday clothes.
What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
What do you get if you cross a Frisbee with a cow?
Skimmed milk.
What do you get if you cross a dog with a vampire?
A werewoof.
What do you get if you cross a bike and a rose?
Bicycle petals.
What do you get if you cross an alligator and King Midas?
A croc of gold.
What do you get if you cross a tortoise and a storm?
An “I’m not in a hurry” cane.
What do you get if you cross a baby bird with a pod?
Chick peas.
What do you get if you cross a computer with a potato?
Micro chips.
What do you get if you cross a dog with a maze?
A labyrinth.
What do you get if you cross the moon with a monk?
A nocturnal habit.
What do you get if you cross a cow with a crystal ball?
A message from the udder side.
What do you get if you cross a crocodile with a camera?
A snapshot.
What do you get if you cross a plank of wood and a pencil?
A drawing board.
What do you get if you cross a dog with a football game?
Spot-the-ball.
What do you get if you cross a spider with a computer?
A web page.
What do you get if you cross a star with a silver cup?
A constellation prize.
What do you get if you cross a flea with some moon rock?
A lunar-tick.
What do you get if you cross a vampire and a circus entertainer?
Something that goes straight for the juggler.
What do you get if you cross a bunch of flowers with a burglar?
Robbery with violets.
What do you get if you cross a bank robber with some bushes?
Armed shrubbery.
What do you get if you cross a cow and a goat?
Butter from a butter.
What do you get if you cross a philosopher with a Mafia hitman?
Someone who’ll make you an offer you can’t understand.
What do you get if you cross a pen with Napoleon’s feet?
A footnote in history.
What do you get if you cross a ghost and an Italian restaurant?
Spook-hetti.
What do you get if you cross a Star Trek character with a pasta dish?
Spock-hetti.
What do you get when you cross a hundred pigs with a hundred deer?
Two hundred sows and bucks!
What do you get if you cross a cow with an out-of-date map?
Udderly lost.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a lonely hearts club?
A lot of blind dates.
What do you get if you cross a television soap and a rabbit colony?
Burrow Nation Street.
What do you get if you cross a pelican and a zebra?
Across the road safely.
What do you get if you cross a bee and a coach?
A buzzzz.
What do you get if you cross Cameron Diaz with Santa Claus?
A thank you from Santa.
What do you get if you cross a monster and a chicken?
Free strange eggs.
What do you get if you cross a fish and bad breath?
Halibut-osis.
What do you get if you cross a compass and a shellfish?
A guided mussel.
What do you get if you cross a school with a computer supplier?
Floppy desks.
What do you get if you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and legs.
What do you get if you cross a very bent piece of wood with a spaceship?
Warp factor 7.
What do you get if you cross a hairdresser, a storyteller and a young horse?
A pony tail.
What do you get if you cross a motorcycle and a funny story?
A Yamaha ha ha ha.
What do you get if you cross a leopard and a bunch of flowers?
A beauty spot.
What do you get if you cross a biscuit with a car tyre?
Crumbs.
What do you get if you cross a Welshman with a problem?
A Dai-lemma.
What do you get if you cross a pub and a steelworks?
An iron bar.
What do you get if you cross a shark and a parrot?
An animal that talks your head off.
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