Q: Why did the robber wash his clothes before he ran away with the loot?
A: He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Q: How does a skeleton call his friends?
A: On the tele-bone.
Q: What is the richest kind of air?
A: A millionaire.
Q: Who keeps the ocean clean?
A: The mermaid.
Q: Why did the invisible man turn down a job offer?
A: He just couldn’t see himself doing it
Q: Why did the
skeleton drink eight glasses of milk every day?
A: Milk is good for the bones.
Q: Why
did Johnny jump up and down before he drank his juice?
A: The carton said to “shake well before drinking.”
Q: What is a baby’s favorite reptile?
A: A rattlesnake.
Q: What does a snowman eat for breakfast?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: Where do generals keep their armies?
A: In their sleevies.
Q: How do you
make a hot dog stand?
A: Take away its chair.
Q: What kind of balls don’t bounce?
A: Eyeballs.
Q: Why can’t you play hide-and-seek with mountains?
A: Because they’re always peaking.
Q: What did the bride say when she dropped her bouquet?
A: “Whoopsy-Daisies.”
Q: Why did
Jimmy’s parents scream when they saw his grades?
A: Because he had a bee on his report card.
Q: What do you call a stick that won’t do anything you want?
A: A stick-in-the-mud.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
A: Bacon and legs.
Q: What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman?
A: Frostbite!
Q: What is a duck on the Fourth of July?
A: A fire-quacker.
Q: Why did the credit card go to jail?
A: It was guilty as cha
Q: Why did
Jimmy’s parents scream when they saw his grades?
A: Because he had a bee on his report card.
Q: What do you call a stick that won’t do anything you want?
A: A stick-in-the-mud.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
A: Bacon and legs.
Q: What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman?
A: Frostbite!
Q: What is a duck on the Fourth of July?
A: A fire-quacker.
Q: Why did the credit card go to jail?
A: It was guilty as cha
Q: What would
we get if we threw all the books in the ocean?
A: A title wave!
Q: What do you call a liar on the phone?
A: A telephony.
Q: What do peanut butter and jelly do around the campfire?
A: They tell toast stories.
Q: What did the baker say when he found the dough he’d lost?
A: “That’s just what I kneaded!
Q: Why did the
flashlight, the camera, and the remote-controlled car attend the funeral?
A: They were grieving the dead batteries.
Q: Why wouldn’t the team play with the third basketball?
A: Because it was an odd ball.
Q: Where do electric bills like to go on vacation?
A: I-Owe-A (Iowa).
Q: Why did the queen go to the dentist?
A: To get crowns on her teeth.
Q: How did the lobster get to the ocean?
A: By shell-icopter.
Q: When does the road get angry?
A: When someone crosses it.
Q: Why was the king only a foot tall?
A: Because he was a ruler.
Q: What did the robber say when he stole from the bookstore?
A: “I had better book it out of here.
Q: Why did
Sally’s computer keep sneezing?
A: It had a virus.
Q: When do doctors get mad?
A: When they lose their patients (patience).
Q: Why did Jimmy throw the clock out the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly.
Q: What language does a billboard speak?
A: Sign language.
Q: Why didn’t the girl trust the ocean?
A: There was something fishy about it
Q: What do you
call four bullfighters in quicksand?
A: Cuatro sinko.
Q: How did the baseball player lose his house?
A: He made his home run.
Q: Who was the only person in the Bible without a father?
A: Joshua, because he was the son of Nun (none)
Q: Why did the
man put his money in the freezer?
A: He wanted some cold hard cash.
Q: What did the one-dollar bill say to the ten-dollar bill?
A: You don’t make any cents (sense).
Q: What happens
when race car drivers eat too much?
A: They get Indy-gestion.
Q: Why do baseball pitchers stay away from caves?
A: They don’t like bats.
Q: What kind of tree has the best bark?
A: A dogwood.
Q: What kind of makeup do pirate girls wear?
A: Ship gloss.
Q: When do you need Chapstick in the garden?
A: When you’re planting the tulips (two lips).
Q: Why did the trees take a nap?
A: For rest (forest
Q: What is a
zucchini’s favorite game?
A: Squash.
Q: Why wouldn’t the lion eat the clown?
A: He tasted funny.
Q: What kinds of hats do you wear on your legs?
A: Knee caps.
Q: How do you reach a book in an emergency?
A: Call its pager.
Q: Who helped the monster go to the ball?
A: Its scary godmother
Q: Why did the
banana wear sunscreen at the beach?
A: It didn’t want to peel.
Q: Where does a ship go when it’s not feeling well?
A: To see the dock-tor.
Q: Why was the nose feeling sad?
A: It was tired of getting picked on
Q: What did the
elevator say to its friend?
A: “I think I’m coming down with something.”
Q: Why did Billy have a hot dog in his shoe?
A: It was a foot-long
Q: What gets
wet while it dries?
A: A towel.
Q: How did the farmer fix his jeans?
A: With a cabbage patch.
Q: What do you call a silly doorbell?
A: A ding-dong.
Q: What did the sock say to the foot?
A: “Shoe!”
Q: When do you stop at green and go on
red?
A: When you’re eating a watermelon.
Q: What did one tube of glue say to the
other?
A: “Let’s stick together.
Q: What did one
wall say to the other?
A: “Let’s meet at the corner!”
Q: Did you hear about the red ship and
blue ship that collided?
A: All the sailors were marooned.
Q: Why did the girl need a ladder to go to
school?
A: Because it was high school.
Q: What do sea monsters eat?
A: Fish and ships.
Q: What does a computer do when it’s
tired?
A: It crashes.
Q: What did the tooth fairy use to fix her
wand
A: Toothpaste.
Q: Why did the computer get glasses?
A: To improve his web sight.
Q: What stays in the corner but travels
all over the world?
A: A stamp
Q: What did the
computer say when it fell into quicksand?
A: “Help me! I’m syncing!”
Q: What do you get when you have two
doctors at once?
A: Pair-a-medics.
Q: What should
you do when you get in a jam?
A: Grab some bread and peanut butter.
Q: How can you go surfing in the kitchen?
A: On a micro-wave.
Q: Why was everyone looking up at the
ceiling and cheering?
A: They were ceiling fans.
Q: Why did the cowboy go out and buy a
wiener dog?
A: Because someone told him to “get a
long, little doggie.”
Q: What is a trombone’s favorite
playground equipment?
A: The slide.
Q: How can you keep someone in suspense?
A: I’ll tell you later
Q: What
happened to the beans when they showed up late to work?
A: They got canned.
Q: Why can’t you take anything balloons
say seriously?
A: They’re always full of hot air.
Q: What happens when you phone a clown
three times?
A: You get a three-ring circus.
Q: What do you get when you have breakfast
with a centipede?
A: Pancakes and legs.
Q: What do you call someone who is afraid
of picnics?
A: A basket case.
Q: How does an
Eskimo fix his broken toys?
A: With igloo.
Q: What kind of flowers are great friends?
A: Rose buds.
Q: What do you get when you cross a tuba,
a drum, and a spare tire?
A: A rubber band
Q: Why did the
lady sing lullabies to her purse?
A: She wanted a sleeping bag.
Q: What did the orange say to the banana
when they were looking for the apple?
A: Keep your eyes peeled
Q: Did you hear
about the teacher who was cross-eyed?
A: She couldn’t control her pupils.
Q: What kinds of teeth cost money?
A: Buck teeth.
Q: What do you call a dentist who cleans
an alligator’s teeth?
A: Crazy!
Q: If a snake married an undertaker, what
would they embroider on their towels?
A: Hiss and Hearse (his and hers).
Q: What is the difference between boogers
and broccoli?
A: Kids won’t eat their broccoli.
Q: What do
elves learn in kindergarten?
A: The elf-abet.
Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of
pants?
A: In case he got a hole in one.
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the ball?
A: He had no body to dance with.
Q: What kind of beans don’t grow in a
garden?
A: Jelly beans.
Q: Why can’t a nose be twelve inches long?
A: If it was, then it would be a foot.
Q: When does your dinner never get hot?
A: When it’s chili.
Q: Why did the boys shoot their BB guns in
the air?
A: They wanted to shoot the breeze.
Q: Why were the Cheerios scared of the
man?
A: He was a cereal killer
Q: Why did the
baseball player go to jail?
A: He stole second base.
Q: Why couldn’t the twelve-year-old go to
the pirate movie?
A: It was rated arrrgh.
Q: How did Benjamin Franklin feel about
discovering electricity?
A: He was shocked.
Q: What do you call cheese that doesn’t
belong to you?
A: Nacho cheese.
Q: How much did the butcher charge for his
venison?
A: A buck
Q: What does a
rain cloud wear under its clothes?
A: Thunderwear.
Q: How did Thomas Edison invent the
lightbulb?
A: He got a bright idea.
Q: Why did the lettuce win the race?
A: He was a head
Q: Where did
the most talkative people in the Bible live?
A: Babylon (babble on).
Q: Why was the broom late for school?
A: It over-swept
Q: What did the
alien say to the flower bed?
A: “Take me to your weeder.”
Q: What kind of button won’t you find at a
sewing store?
A: A belly button.
Q: Why did the lady throw her butter out
the window?
A: She wanted to see a butterfly.
Q: Why did the ninja go to the doctor?
A: He had kung-flu.
Q: What did the grape do when the lemon
asked for a kiss?
A: It puckered up.
Q: Why couldn’t the monster go to sleep?
A: It was afraid there were kids under the
bed.
Q: How long does it take to count four
times infinity?
A: Four-ever
Q: Who fills
your tank at the gas station?
A: Philip (fill up).
Q: What is an alien’s favorite kind of
candy?
A: A Mars bar.
Q: How do you get a skeleton to laugh out
loud?
A: Tickle its funny bone.
Q: What do you take before every meal?
A: You take a seat.
Q: What did the mother corn say to her
children?
A: “Don’t forget to wash behind your ears
Q: Did you hear
about the actor who fell through the floor?
A: It was just a stage he was going
through.
Q: What did the tomato say to the
mushroom?
A: “You look like a fungi.”
Q: Why are babies so good at basketball?
A: Because they like to dribble
eacher: Name
two days of the week that start with a “t.”
Student: Today and tomorrow.
Teacher: Billy, you missed school
yesterday.
Billy: Well, to tell you the truth, I
didn’t miss it that much at all.
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