Q: Why did the robber wash his clothes before he ran away with the loot?
A: He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Q: How does a skeleton call his friends?
A: On the tele-bone.
Q: What is the richest kind of air?
A: A millionaire.
Q: Who keeps the ocean clean?
A: The mermaid.
Q: Why did the invisible man turn down a job offer?
A: He just couldn’t see himself doing it.
Q: Why did the skeleton drink eight glasses of milk every day?
A: Milk is good for the bones.
Q: Why did Johnny jump up and down before he drank his juice?
A: The carton said to “shake well before drinking.”
Q: What is a baby’s favorite reptile?
A: A rattlesnake.
Q: What does a snowman eat for breakfast?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: Where do generals keep their armies?
A: In their sleevies.
Q: How do you make a hot dog stand?
A: Take away its chair.
Q: What kind of balls don’t bounce?
A: Eyeballs.
Q: Why can’t you play hide-and-seek with mountains?
A: Because they’re always peaking.
Q: What did the bride say when she dropped her bouquet?
A: “Whoopsy-Daisies.”
Q: Why did Jimmy’s parents scream when they saw his grades?
A: Because he had a bee on his report card.
Q: What do you call a stick that won’t do anything you want?
A: A stick-in-the-mud.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
A: Bacon and legs.
Q: What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman?
A: Frostbite!
Q: What is a duck on the Fourth of July?
A: A fire-quacker.
Q: Why did the credit card go to jail?
A: It was guilty as charged.
Q: What would we get if we threw all the books in the ocean?
A: A title wave!
Q: What do you call a liar on the phone?
A: A telephony.
Q: What do peanut butter and jelly do around the campfire?
A: They tell toast stories.
Q: What did the baker say when he found the dough he’d lost?
A: “That’s just what I kneaded!”
Q: Why did the flashlight, the camera, and the remote-controlled car attend the funeral?
A: They were grieving the dead batteries.
Q: Why wouldn’t the team play with the third basketball?
A: Because it was an odd ball.
Q: Where do electric bills like to go on vacation?
A: I-Owe-A (Iowa).
Q: Why did the queen go to the dentist?
A: To get crowns on her teeth.
Q: How did the lobster get to the ocean?
A: By shell-icopter.
Q: When does the road get angry?
A: When someone crosses it.
Q: Why was the king only a foot tall?
A: Because he was a ruler.
Q: What did the robber say when he stole from the bookstore?
A: “I had better book it out of here.”
Q: Why did Sally’s computer keep sneezing?
A: It had a virus.
Q: When do doctors get mad?
A: When they lose their patients (patience).
Q: Why did Jimmy throw the clock out the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly.
Q: What language does a billboard speak?
A: Sign language.
Q: Why didn’t the girl trust the ocean?
A: There was something fishy about it.
Q: What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
A: Cuatro sinko.
Q: How did the baseball player lose his house?
A: He made his home run.
Q: Who was the only person in the Bible without a father?
A: Joshua, because he was the son of Nun (none).
Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A: He wanted some cold hard cash.
Q: What did the one-dollar bill say to the ten-dollar bill?
A: You don’t make any cents (sense).
Q: What happens when race car drivers eat too much?
A: They get Indy-gestion.
Q: Why do baseball pitchers stay away from caves?
A: They don’t like bats.
Q: What kind of tree has the best bark?
A: A dogwood.
Q: What kind of makeup do pirate girls wear?
A: Ship gloss.
Q: When do you need Chapstick in the garden?
A: When you’re planting the tulips (two lips).
Q: Why did the trees take a nap?
A: For rest (forest).
Q: What is a zucchini’s favorite game?
A: Squash.
Q: Why wouldn’t the lion eat the clown?
A: He tasted funny.
Q: What kinds of hats do you wear on your legs?
A: Knee caps.
Q: How do you reach a book in an emergency?
A: Call its pager.
Q: Who helped the monster go to the ball?
A: Its scary godmother.
Q: Why did the banana wear sunscreen at the beach?
A: It didn’t want to peel.
Q: Where does a ship go when it’s not feeling well?
A: To see the dock-tor.
Q: Why was the nose feeling sad?
A: It was tired of getting picked on.
Q: What did the elevator say to its friend?
A: “I think I’m coming down with something.”
Q: Why did Billy have a hot dog in his shoe?
A: It was a foot-long.
Q: What gets wet while it dries?
A: A towel.
Q: How did the farmer fix his jeans?
A: With a cabbage patch.
Q: What do you call a silly doorbell?
A: A ding-dong.
Q: What did the sock say to the foot?
A: “Shoe!”
Q: When do you stop at green and go on red?
A: When you’re eating a watermelon.
Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other?
A: “Let’s stick together.”
Q: What did one wall say to the other?
A: “Let’s meet at the corner!”
Q: Did you hear about the red ship and blue ship that collided?
A: All the sailors were marooned.
Q: Why did the girl need a ladder to go to school?
A: Because it was high school.
A: Fish and ships.
Q: What does a computer do when it’s tired?
A: It crashes.
Q: What did the tooth fairy use to fix her wand?
A: Toothpaste.
Q: Why did the computer get glasses?
A: To improve his web sight.
Q: What stays in the corner but travels all over the world?
A: A stamp.
Q: What did the computer say when it fell into quicksand?
A: “Help me! I’m syncing!”
Q: What do you get when you have two doctors at once?
A: Pair-a-medics.
Q: What should you do when you get in a jam?
A: Grab some bread and peanut butter.
Q: How can you go surfing in the kitchen?
A: On a micro-wave.
Q: Why was everyone looking up at the ceiling and cheering?
A: They were ceiling fans.
Q: Why did the cowboy go out and buy a wiener dog?
A: Because someone told him to “get a long, little doggie.”
Q: What is a trombone’s favorite playground equipment?
A: The slide.
Q: How can you keep someone in suspense?
A: I’ll tell you later.
Q: What happened to the beans when they showed up late to work?
A: They got canned.
Q: Why can’t you take anything balloons say seriously?
A: They’re always full of hot air.
Q: What happens when you phone a clown three times?
A: You get a three-ring circus.
Q: What do you get when you have breakfast with a centipede?
A: Pancakes and legs.
Q: What do you call someone who is afraid of picnics?
A: A basket case.
Q: How does an Eskimo fix his broken toys?
A: With igloo.
Q: What kind of flowers are great friends?
A: Rose buds.
Q: What do you get when you cross a tuba, a drum, and a spare tire?
A: A rubber band.
Q: Why did the lady sing lullabies to her purse?
A: She wanted a sleeping bag.
Q: What did the orange say to the banana when they were looking for the apple?
A: Keep your eyes peeled.
Q: Did you hear about the teacher who was cross-eyed?
A: She couldn’t control her pupils.
Q: What kinds of teeth cost money?
A: Buck teeth.
Q: What do you call a dentist who cleans an alligator’s teeth?
A: Crazy!
Q: If a snake married an undertaker, what would they embroider on their towels?
A: Hiss and Hearse (his and hers).
Q: What is the difference between boogers and broccoli?
A: Kids won’t eat their broccoli.
Q: What do elves learn in kindergarten?
A: The elf-abet.
Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A: In case he got a hole in one.
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the ball?
A: He had no body to dance with.
Q: What kind of beans don’t grow in a garden?
A: Jelly beans.
Q: Why can’t a nose be twelve inches long?
A: If it was, then it would be a foot.
Q: When does your dinner never get hot?
A: When it’s chili.
Q: Why did the boys shoot their BB guns in the air?
A: They wanted to shoot the breeze.
Q: Why were the Cheerios scared of the man?
A: He was a cereal killer
Q: Why couldn’t the twelve-year-old go to the pirate movie?
A: It was rated arrrgh.
Q: How did Benjamin Franklin feel about discovering electricity?
A: He was shocked.
Q: What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
A: Nacho cheese.
Q: How much did the butcher charge for his venison?
A: A buck.
Q: What does a rain cloud wear under its clothes?
A: Thunderwear.
Q: How did Thomas Edison invent the lightbulb?
A: He got a bright idea.
Q: Why did the lettuce win the race?
A: He was a head.
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